MEET BUCKSHOT THE BANDIT

Buckshot the Bandit Turn-Ons : There is nothing that the Bandit likes more than mowing down poor defenseless elves. In his mind none of those bitch ass elves are defenseless due to their pointy ears. The Bandit does not like pointy things so when he sees an elf with those pointy ears he just loves killing them. He also loves killing Vulcans for the same reason but not quite as much as elves. They are his favorite. Buckshot the Bandit Turn-Offs : The Bandit does not like when he stubs his toe, especially if it is his pinky toe. I mean a big toe is no problem. The next two toes give a brief whence of pain and the 4th does hurt but not too much. It's the pinky toe, stubbing his pinky toe really pisses him off. Buckshot the Bandit Heroes : I would have to say that my number one hero is the Jolly Green Giant. He is just so damn jolly even though he's in pretty good shape. Most people have to be big fat asses before they can reach the status of Jolly, but not him!

Buckshot the Bandit or The Buckshot Bandit as his enemies call him was born in a woman’s chest like one of those meaner than hell aliens. He came tearing out one cold winter night with his six shooters blazing. While still a fetus he made little guns and bullets from iron he extracted from his moms blood. I don’t know where he got the gunpowder from but I do know that the Bandit is one resourceful son-of-a-bitch. After he slopped onto the ground he bit off the umbilical cord and rode off on a horse that was stabled outside. Exactly 18 minutes later he arrived at the nearest saloon, ordered a double shot of whiskey and put in his first fistful of chew. Then he relaxed for 4 minutes before he was approached by an evil looking elf. The elf had an issue with the Bandit on account of the fact that Buckshot had never gotten around to putting on clothes and his enormous johnson was hanging half way down the bar stool. “Are you trying to take all our ladies, showing off that thing?” the elf said. The Bandit just looked up at the elf, gave him a half smile and cut him in two with a swivel of his hips. This is how the Legend of Buckshot began; where it ends has yet to be written!

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