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MEET GOO GOBLINS
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Goo Goblins Turn-Ons : long walks off short peers, being beaten about the buttocks with large sticks, string Bean casserole, balding men in convertibles, my own reflection, eight maids a milking, porcelain figurines, Natalie from the Facts of Life, crossword puzzles and pleasuring myself on my neighbors front porch
Goo Goblins Turn-Offs : Persians, being lit on fire, people who are really ugly, paper products, mushroom soup from a can and hot chicks in thongs oil wrestling
Goo Goblins Heroes : Hong Kong Fuey, Vanilla Ice, Barbara Walters and Clubber Lang
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"Goo Goblins," born Goober Ray Goblins of Baton Rouge, Louisiana. A modern day Shakespeare and self proclaimed "Inspirer of all that is Good". Credits himself with influence on every piece of Literature ever written. Of course there are those skeptics who say how could that possibly be since he was only born in 1998. But then there are those true believers who don't let little things like "facts" and "details" pervert their thinking. "The believers of Goo", also known as Goobers claim that Goo should be rightfully credited with influence on works dating back to cave paintings and Sanskrit. Their latest cry is that Homer's Iliad and The Odyssey have full paragraphs plagiarized from Goo's earlier works, "Zany Greek Stuff," and "The Search for Colored Eggs." They also praise Goo with the creation of many famous sayings and tag lines such as, "A Garden is like friends, you have to pull the weeds," and "Don't look a gift Goo in the ass," and what about, "Don't bite your hand while feeding yourself," and the ever so popular "A shoe on the foot is better then two in a nearby tree.” Then there's the old "People who live in glass houses, should take up Gardening or possibly consider moving.” Then there are shows that have stolen Goo's Ideas and tried passing them off as their own. Like "The Fresh Goo of Bell Air" where urbanized Goo moves from the hard streets of Oyster Bay to a slightly bigger house in... oh' never mind, you get the point. How about "Judging Goo", or "The Goblin's Group." And let us not forget, ”Everybody loves Goo,” a Family drama where Goo, a sports writer, lives across the street from his wacky parents and over sized younger brother. Have you so quickly forgotten "Go go Goblin Wheels," what you think the creators of inspector Gadget just brilliantly conjured that one up. Well Goo certainly isn’t buying. “Goo the Friendly Ghost,” “The Goo Years,” where a young Goober Arnold learns the troubles of Growing up. The list goes on and on. But the one thing if nothing else that Goo likes to boast about is his philosophical quotes. Like his quote, “Some people like to think of life as being circular, I like to think of it as a donut, a yummy frosted one.” When asked about reincarnation his response was “well going back to my earlier belief of life as a donut, reincarnation would be like if you were born a Dunkin Donut and you were eaten, then just at that exact instant across the country at a Krispy Crème establishment a portly gentleman with chubby flower stained fingers delicately pulls a fresh batch of coffee rolls from an oven. Would it be so surprising if the essence of that Dunkin Donut lives on through one of those scrumptious little coffee rolls? I think not, I certainly think not my friend.”
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