|
|
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO GOO
THEORIES ON SOCIAL BEHAVIOR
So why is it not acceptable to pinch a colleague's cheek and say "my, my, Tommy's getting so big. Oh yes he is." Now the name here is irrelevant, plug in what ever name that fit's, it doesn't make it better. For example there's an editor who works for my company and I like to call him "fuzzy butt," you know, just for fun. Now it beats the hell out of me if this fella actually has a fuzzy backside, I just sort of like the ring of it. Also why is it considered bad taste to trip the mailman, I mean you think a guy who's out and about on his feet all day would like that sort of excitement to break up the daily grind. Apparently not though, it's always the same whining day in and day out. "Oh dammit my hip, please don't throw coffee on me again."
Oh, by the way, the term "let's go out and paint the town," what in the hell kind of saying is that. Pure stupidity! What, some sort of Pagan ritual where you go around butchering people. Just can't seem to see the fun in it. If you want fun, go into Starbuck's and order a pound of machine drip Dunkin Donut's coffee. When the guy says Ha...ha very funny, you say "what, I'm serious glasses girl, don't piss me off, I'm in rare form today and you wouldn't want to step into my world. It's cold and dark and you ain't wearing your mittens." Then say "I'm just kidding, I'll take a Latte." Then go to Dunkin Donuts and order a pound of machine drip Dunkin Donuts coffee, and when the guy says "is that all?" You say.... "Yes, that will be all," and then proceed to compliment their service and tell the Starbuck's story. When they look at you with fear in their eyes, that's when you yell loud and obnoxiously "you wouldn't understand the struggle if it bit you in the ass," then start bawling crying and curl up in the fetal position, yelling "what a wicked, wicked world."
Next time you go bowling, wait till the woman next to you gets up to bowl, give her a nod like "it's okay, you go first," then proceed to bowl at the same time. Purposely throw a gutter ball and then begin screaming at her, accusing her of intentionally trying to throw you off your game. Then the following frame remain seated and say "No, no go ahead, I know you will anyway." As she releases her ball press her reset button. When her ball hits the big metal sweeper that comes down, squint at her and say "welcome to the bigs sister." One of my favorite things to do is to go to little league games and taunt the children. Especially, the fat one's. This is especially fun to do with a friend, and bet on who can get into a fist fight with one of the parents first.
|
|
|
