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from Goo, Buckshot and the Kid (The Fearsome Threesome)

A Just Cause

This is a photograph of a protester from PETA crouching in a cage outside the Zoo in Barcelona to highlight the plight of wild animals kept in zoo cages. Well I think it’s just terrific that she took a stand for those defenseless animals. I also think it’s quite wonderful that she chose to do it by getting naked and painting herself like a sexy little feline, but that’s beside the point. The bottom line is that she had the courage to stand up for those who could not stand up for themselves. It’s like the time, a few years back, when I got naked, painted myself red and ran into a local candy store in extreme protest of the sudden and cruel removal of the red M&M’s from the market. Those poor red chocolate treats couldn’t be heard on their own, so I took it upon myself to be their voice, and believe me, I was heard that day. After all, a naked guy painted red, shaking his fist and screaming “Damn You” over and over again at an elderly convenience store clerk does not go unnoticed. Some people said I was a fool to do it but hey, the red M&M’s are back again, aren’t they? Mission accomplished as far as I’m concerned.

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Random Strange Thoughts from the Kid

They say that revenge is a dish better served cold. I guess in that sense it’s not unlike fruit salad.

A joke that never seems to get old is me standing in the fresh produce section of my local supermarket alongside a big bin of apples and screaming “How do you like them apples” in the face of every poor bastard that passes by. Of course, the punchline comes when I begin pelting them unmercifully with apples as they walk away. I have to say it’s a pretty good gag.

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Random Thoughts from Goo Goblins

You ever go up to a nun and slap her right upside the head and then say “Come on, give me that other cheek Sista.” Think about it!

When I see a man and a woman arguing in public, I like to invite myself into the conversation by saying, “What are you guys talking about?” Usually, the man gets angry and says “Why don’t you mind your business buddy,” or you’ll even get the occasional “Fuck Off.” At this point I just grab the guy by the head and attempt to make out with him. Saying “you don’t mean those horrible things, don’t let your anger at her come between us.”

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Random Thoughts from Buckshot the Bandit

I'm a card guy. If you throw a no hitter, I may send your arm a congratulatory card. If you miss a game winning field goal it's an encouragement card for your foot. If you sleep with a hot girl your penis may find a Great Job card in the mail box. If you eat something really spicy, don't look now ass, but you'll be getting a sympathy card. Like I said before... I'm a card guy.

When ever I am bleeding... be it from a paper cut, a hang nail or a scab that I just picked I always blame it on those leeches. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, I just yell out "Those damned leeches got me again!" This only works for small cuts though because I think we all know that there is no such thing as a giant leech. If I ever get my head cut off I don't think my trick will fool anyone because to date, there have been no reports of leech be-headings.

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