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To Trim Or Be Trimmed?
That old couple may look happy enough walking together in their yard, but clearly that cannot be the case. I’ve seen it countless times before. A husband gets tired of his wife’s constant nagging and he realizes that the only way to escape it is through yard work. He plants some hedges and figures they will keep him busy outside and away from the wrath of his better half, but he quickly learns that trimming a few hedges isn’t all that time consuming and offers only a brief respite from her incessant bickering. So he is left with no choice but to keep obsessively planting more hedges, row after endless row until finally he is able to completely free himself from her evil clutches as he works continuously trimming the absurd hedges in a never ending cycle. Yes, he may have been reduced to a raving hedge trimming lunatic who the neighbor’s openly ridicule, but at least he has his dignity.
RANDOM STRANGE THOUGHTS
| I’m assuming that whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword must have been referring to one of those cute little plastic swords that you sometimes see holding finger sandwiches together. |
| They say “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” If you think it through, that must mean that there aren’t any scorned women in Hell. So now you know why I spend so much of my time in drag trying to get people to scorn me. The way I see it, that’s my ticket to Heaven. Of course, it’s fairly easy finding potential scorners when you’re a six foot two inch weird guy running around in a dress. Most folks you approach do tend to scorn you, after all. But then there’s the little technicality of my not actually being a woman. I sometimes wonder if God will overlook that. I tell ya, things would be so much more straight forward if the saying simply could have been “Hell hath no fury like a lazy dude who tends to over eat and enjoys watching sports." |
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RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM GOO GOBLINS
| When the mailroom guy comes around at work I like to quickly get up on top of my desk and then go diving off, laying down the atomic elbow drop to his temple. |
| If you eat McDonalds really slow is it still considered “fast-food”? |
RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM BUCKSHOT THE BANDIT
| If I ever get eaten by piranhas that would really piss me off. |
| We've all heard of Damian, that little devil with 666 on his head. Born at 6 o'clock on the 6th of June, you know the story. Most of worry about his coming to the planet but when he does show up he will have opposition! That opposition comes in the form of a moose that roams the wilds of Canada known as the Anti-Damian. He was birthed at 2:22 on the 22nd of March (Go figure?). The A-D is just waiting up there for Damian to show himself and then he will come out of the wilderness to do battle with the devil. He was trained by Santa's reindeer to fly just in case Damian shows up on a different continent. He has also taught himself 3 different martial arts disciplines though books he checked out at his local library. To keep himself occupied while waiting for the Anti-Devil he works as a freelance writer for a local high school newspaper. |
RANDOM MISQUOTE
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“Eighty Seven long-ass years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation …”
- Lincoln’s original opening, before being reminded by his advisers that the term "long-ass" doesn't sound all that presidential |
 
 Here's one we'll call naked alien practicing the karate. Apparently he's a black belt, but clearly his form leaves something to be desired. Quite frankly, Mr. Miyagi would be appalled. Neither "wax on wax off" nor "paint the fence". If anything, it looks more like a weak attempt at "pour the juice". What an absolute disgrace. Just another example of a know it all spaceman who can't be bothered to put forth even the slightest bit of effort.
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