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from Goo, Buckshot and the Kid (The Fearsome Threesome)

The Best Defense

U.S. Army Gen. George Casey, at a recent Pentagon press conference, unveiled what he calls the “Scissors Defense.” Apparently it is designed to thwart any paper based attacks against the United States or our interests abroad. Well that’s all fine and good, but what if some sleeper cell has already infiltrated our borders and has access to rocks. It’s not entirely implausible. Unfortunately, despite my vehement protests, our nation’s quarries continue to go virtually unguarded. So what if the unthinkable happens? What then, General? A lot of damn good those scissors are gonna do us!

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Random Strange Thoughts from the Kid

I never did understand that whole “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite” business. First of all, telling someone to sleep tight is just bad advice. I mean, you’re much better off sleeping loose. Sleeping tight, in the end, will only lead to stiffness. And as for that part about not letting the beg bugs bite, hey listen, if the bed bugs are looking to bite, there ain’t nothing you can do to stop them, especially while you’re asleep. So why even bring this up and instill pointless fear in someone just before bedtime. As I see it, the entire phrase is extremely negative and totally counter productive. Of course, it’s not as bad as that “if I die before I wake” bedtime saying. If you ask me, that one really takes the cake as far as negativity is concerned.

They say that revenge is a dish better served cold. I guess in that sense it’s not unlike fruit salad.

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Random Thoughts from Goo Goblins

When I see a man and a woman arguing in public, I like to invite myself into the conversation by saying, “What are you guys talking about?” Usually, the man gets angry and says “Why don’t you mind your business buddy,” or you’ll even get the occasional “Fuck Off.” At this point I just grab the guy by the head and attempt to make out with him. Saying “you don’t mean those horrible things, don’t let your anger at her come between us.”

I sometimes take birdbaths naked. Think about it!

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Random Thoughts from Buckshot the Bandit

Have you ever heard of the two-headed horseman? He is some guy that dresses up in scary black clothes and rides a horse around town demanding that someone return his missing head. Now, he does have a normal head just like all of us but he is very adamant that he was born with a 2nd head that rests on top of his normal head. His only proof is that he has one of those toy mechanical claws and says that he used to use it to put hats on his "top head." Say what you want about the man but with proof like that who are we to label him crazy?

Whenever people are mad at me I tell them to blame it on the rain. I don't need to take their shit.

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