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from Goo, Buckshot and the Kid (The Fearsome Threesome)

Sasquatch Revealed?

Here it is! The first real solid photographic evidence of Big Foot. Taken by an amateur photographer in a remote region of the Pacific Northwest, this remarkable image of the Sasquatch has the scientific community in an uproar. Believe it or not, there are still some who will not accept this obvious evidence as proof. Instead, they blindly continue to cling to the notion that this modern day Wookie is a mere fairytale. They make the outlandish claim that the creature captured in this photograph is actually, in their words, “just a damn rabbit!” And what is their basis for saying this? The only flimsy reasons they give are that the “alleged rabbit” is very small like a rabbit, has big rabbit like ears and basically looks exactly like a rabbit in every way. And they call themselves scientists. As you can clearly see from the enhanced image which has been enlarged for clearer viewing, it is quite apparent that this creature is no rabbit. And just get a load of the size of that foot. It’s quite a “big foot”, wouldn’t you say? I believe I rest my case.

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Random Strange Thoughts from the Kid

Jesus must really be a pretty righteous dude, because if they took the day that I was tortured and crucified and started referring to it as Good Friday, you can bet I would be mighty pissed off. Seriously, I’d be like, “Good Friday, my ass! Forget about that whole forgiveness of sins business, cause all y’all can go straight to hell as far as I’m concerned!”

Who let the cat out of the bag? Does it really matter? I mean, anyone with even a shred of decency would release a poor cat trapped in a bag. The real question is who stuffed the cat into the bag in the first place?

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Random Thoughts from Goo Goblins

After Sunday mass I like to inform the priest that he gave an excellent sermon by saying, “Hey Father, you really fuckin’ nailed that shit, good for you.” Then when he looks angry and says “I don’t think the colorful language is necessary, my son,” I scream “I’ll never join you. You’re not my father.” And then I try to cut off his hand with my plastic light saber, which I pull out from my satchel.

You ever pull up behind a cop car and try to pull him over. I like to pull up behind cops and start flashing them with my lights while squealing out my driver side window at the top of my lungs, making a man-made siren sound. Then I start to yell, "Oh how the tables have turned my sweet friend!"

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Random Thoughts from Buckshot the Bandit

When I see one of those Geico cavemen commercials it always pisses me off. Back in my day a caveman with a little self-discipline could really make something of himself. Take for example Captain Caveman. He was a super hero of sorts and you always knew that his heart was in the right place. If you where an evil doer and you heard the ferocious cry "Captain Caa'aaaaaave Maannnnn!!!" you knew to run the opposite direction. He was even a captain to boot (Although I'm not sure which branch of the military gave him the rank). I think that the Geico cavemen could learn a lot from Captain Caveman, but then again I think that we could all learn something from the Captain.

I watched Don Juan DeMarco the other day and DJD claims to be the greatest lover in the world. This made me genuflect for a moment. Can I, or anyone for that matter, honestly say that they are the greatest of anything in the world. Roy Hobbs wanted to be the greatest there was and the greatest there ever would be... but he never made it and he actually had the goods. For a brief moment I had doubt. Then my doubt turned to despair. And then just like the Grinch realizing that Christmas was not about presents, my heart grew 2 sizes when I found what I was best at... best in the whole world. DRYING OFF!!!! I was the worlds greatest dryer off. After a shower I could dry my entire body in 45 seconds. And I'm not talking about half way, I'm talking about bone dry. Over the last 18 years of my life I have devised a method to touch ever square inch of my body with a towel and collect every single drop of water. I am the worlds greatest dryer offer and by god I dare anyone to try and take my throne. I AM THE GREATEST!!!

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