|
|
A Special Holiday Message
The True KFC Revealed
View Kick Ass Videos
Daily Dose of Web Humor
View Other Funny Crap
Receive Our Newsletter
View Mad Ramblings
View Photo Gallery
Shirtless Bastard
Old School Films
Peppercorn Pickup Lines
Peppercorn
Distress Signal
Click Only In
Extreme Emergency
|
|
What's In A Pan?
Alright, I’ll admit it. Sticking my tongue out at the yellow frying pan was probably the wrong thing to do even though he was sticking his tongue out at me first. In retrospect, I probably should have taken the high road. It’s just that I’m tired of being antagonized by that damn guy. I mean every single time I try to fry something up in him he’s gotta give me such a hard time about it. Why can’t he be more like the blue frying pan? The blue guy has never given me any trouble. He’s always stood by my side with his little Hitler mustache and those cute rosy cheeks of his. I consider him to be a trusted friend. Man, I know in my heart he’d fry anything for me. I can’t tell you how many Sunday mornings we spent together over the years, he and I, making omelettes and enjoying each others company. But he’s getting old now. His non-stick surface is beginning to show the wear and tear of a life spent frying. So I was left with no choice but to break in a new pan. That’s why I bought the yellow guy in the first place. To give ole’ blue a well deserved rest. But these young frying pans of today, they don’t have any respect. They seem to think the world owes them something. To tell you the truth, I mostly cook food in the microwave now. I try to avoid frying all together. You see, it’s simply not worth it. As much as I enjoy fried foods, there’s only so much punk ass attitude I'm willing to bear.
RANDOM STRANGE THOUGHTS
| They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery and it’s so true. I mean, I can’t even begin to tell you how flattered I feel personally to have been mocked by so many people over the years. |
| I think that little orphan Annie was a true pioneer in the field of meteorology. I mean, singing forecasts, what a brilliant concept. |
|
RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM GOO GOBLINS
| I wrote a poem this Valentines Day for my wife. It read:
Honey, the love of my life. This Valentines day I began to reflect on marriage. The institution of marriage. Marriage is like an institution, an insane asylum if you will. A dark desperate place where you are no longer allowed to be yourself. God forbid a wife lets you get drunk, play poker, and hang around with whores. No…no…that is too much to ask for. As a husband you’re expected to “talk” to your wife, which really means listen to her bitch and whine about some stupid shit that you couldn’t give two flying fucks about. Oh Marriage, you have ripped out my heart with a fucking dirty rake and severed my testicals. Yes, marriage take my money, pour vinegar in my eye, nag and complain when I just want to smoke a damn cigar in peace. Marriage you dirty bitch you have ruined me. I submit to you, you God awful beast from which there is no escape. Why don’t you just kill me now and end the despair. No, you enjoy seeing me reduced from a full of life, joyful young lad to a beaten down worthless slub whose rockin’ good Friday night consists of going to Bed Bath and Beyond and Waldbaums, don't you. This is what you’ve done to me marriage. I hope you are fuckin’ happy. Marriage you have taken any shred of joy from my existence. So on this Valentine's Day Honey, know that our marriage is in the forefront of my mind and that I do nothing else but bow down beaten in front of it.
Your Loving Husband, Goo
|
| I read a book on how to motivate and influence people. Unfortunately I think I have to do some fine tuning. I tried a “change of subject” pick-up line and found myself locked up in jail for the weekend. I was like “Don’t you worry your pretty little face. You may think that I’m coming on to strong and moving to fast, but I think I’m just revving up my sex engine to lay some serious damage to your ass. I will bang you six ways from Friday and after that you will forget all about this little incident.” Next thing I knew the officer asked me to step out of the vehicle and he handcuffed me. I thought he was just being kinky at first. I was sadly mistaken.
|
RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM BUCKSHOT THE BANDIT
| When I was young and I saw cars making U-turns I always that it was because some kid did not heed their parents warning. |
| Just where the hell does Kermit get off singing It's not easy being green. I mean how hard does he really have it. He's got Miss Piggy to bang out when ever he wants to and all his other Muppet buddies are never far away. Did you ever have a plan to play football game just to have your friends that committed bitch out and then that only left you with enough people to play 1 on 1, with an all time QB? Kermit's always got enough friends around to play a game and even have lines. He even realizes that he is full of shit by the end of the song when he says that he’s beautiful being green. Now on the other hand, if the Hulk ever wanted to sing about the sorrows of being green I'd have no problem with that. Go Hulk!!! |
RANDOM MISQUOTE
|
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you two times."
- Old Polish Proverb |
 
 Here's one we'll call naked alien practicing the karate. Apparently he's a black belt, but clearly his form leaves something to be desired. Quite frankly, Mr. Miyagi would be appalled. Neither "wax on wax off" nor "paint the fence". If anything, it looks more like a weak attempt at "pour the juice". What an absolute disgrace. Just another example of a know it all spaceman who can't be bothered to put forth even the slightest bit of effort.
|
|
|
